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THE MYSTERY AND MEANING OF LOVE AND MARRIAGE (A series of talks and discussions for young adults.) by Archbishop Lazar Puhalo
"Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and do not have love, I am as the sound of brass and a noisy cymbal...Love is longsuffering and kind; love does not envy; love does not boast of itself nor is it puffed up. Love does not behave itself in an unseemly manner, nor seek to have its own way; it is not easily provoked and does not think evil. Love does not rejoice in iniquity, but in truth; it bears all things, believes all things, endures all things. Love never fails...When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became an adult, I put away childish things ...Now, there abides faith, hope and love: but the greatest of these is love" (1Cor.13). Of all the faculties, senses, capabilities, attributes and virtues of the human race, it is committed love that bestows upon us our humanity and relates us to the Divine. Love is the dynamic force which gives meaning to our lives in this world, and hope for eternity. While the nature of genuine love may seem elusive and indefinable, it is clearly a force which takes us outside ourselves and unites and bonds us to a greater reality in a positive and creative manner. It is a tragedy that the word "love" is so often used as a metaphor for "gratification," "self-fulfilment," or for using another person to fulfil our sexual passions. In fact, love gives meaning and purpose to life by spiritually bonding us together with another person (as in marriage), with other people (as in a parish or other extended family), and with God, in a way that gives depth, meaning, permanence, commitment and a positive, creative dimension, to all that we share in life and, indeed, to life itself. Love, for an Orthodox Christian, is above all the dynamic force of salvation, of ascension toward God. Marriage is, first and foremost, a path of salvation. There is no such thing as love without a firm commitment. Not realizing the full meaning and implications of love is one of the main reasons young people engage in pre-marital sexual relations, and also the single most important reason that so many marriages fail. The commitment of love is expressed in the sincere desire, arising from the depths of heart and soul, to forsake every consideration of self, and subject every other attachment for the sake of the one we love. In true love, ambition for self glory and advancement is transformed into a desire to please and care for the one we love. Individual interests are replaced by mutual interests, "my" life is dissolved into "our" life. We commit ourselves to a spiritual bond which is a type and likeness of Christ and the Church, a likeness of self-sacrifice which brings with it the joy of hope and expectation, and of salvation and everlasting life. Marriage is a type and likeness of redemption itself. Many times, people think that they "fall in love", but this is almost never true. A couple may like each other very much __ even intensely __ and feel a strong sexual attraction to each other, and these powerful feelings are interpreted as a strong love. Unfortunately for the girl or woman in such a situation, if they fall into pre-marital sexual relations, they will find that the man's "love" was often no more than his drive for conquest, and that there was no bases for a genuine commitment. It is, therefore, important that children and young people always be taught the absolute bond between love and complete commitment. Love is a "growth situation." No one actually "falls in love." People may like each other deeply and be strongly attached to each other, but love comes only from a long-term experience. Commitment to one another is the prime expression of love and it gives strength to a relationship so that it can have time to grow and develop into a full and complete love. Without a fulfilled commitment, sexual relations are merely using another person for the most selfish of reasons. Love pertains not only to the things we find positive and attractive in a person, but also to the negative aspects of their personality and the things we discover about them over the years that we find unattractive. This is why actual love is not instantaneous. It is a process of growth and maturity. None of us are "complete packages." We are all constantly changing, hopefully growing and developing. No two people grow and develop at the same rate and to the same degree. Unfortunately, some of us actually stop growing mentally, emotionally and spiritually, and begin to stagnate and then degenerate. Very often the elusive, almost undefinable gradual breakdown in a marriage is precisely this difference in the growth and development of the partners. It does not matter whether both partners are working outside the home or the wife is working in the home, one of the two will almost certainly mature more quickly and more completely, and the spiritual, emotional and intellectual growth rate may very easily be different. This difference in development can cause the subtle arising of a gulf or division between a couple, and often, neither party realizes the source of the gradual feeling of "drifting apart." If they do realize it, it can be difficult to discuss in a positive manner. Men often feel threatened by a wife's growth and women who work in the home often feel oppressed and "cheated" of the opportunity to grow. Actually, in a relationship with true love and commitment, a couple should grow and develop not merely with each other, but because of each other. It is important to realize the possibility of this problem arising and discuss it at the very beginning of a marriage. Indeed, it should be an integral part of the pre-marital counselling. Personal and individual growth, maturing and development is something that should be planned for and, from the very beginning of an Orthodox marriage, it should be resolved that this process is going to be founded on genuine spiritual growth. It should be clearly understood that mutual spiritual growth and development is a fundamental reason for an Orthodox marriage in the first place. If this is clearly established, and the possibility of differing rates of intellectual and emotional maturing is understood from the beginning, it will be infinitely easier to cope with such a problem if it should arise. Any family, whether it consists only of husband and wife or includes a number of children, must constantly struggle to grow, develop and mature spiritually, emotionally and intellectually together, as a unit. This is difficult to accomplish and, from an Orthodox perspective, it requires much prayer and a clearly Christ-centred family life. It is evident that this growth and development is something which must be carefully planned for in pre-marriage discussions and during the early years of a marriage. From an Orthodox Christian perspective, it is an essential part of the reason for a couple to want to marry each other and it is a fundamental aspect of the very nature of marriage. If there is a firm commitment to each other between two people, then there can be a mutual growth and development in love, no matter what other divergent directions the two people's development may take. Their common ground for growth and development, indeed, the pivot point of their lives, should be their spiritual advancement. With this shared in common, their commitment will be firm and certain and their growth in love will be permanent and continuous. If the common ground of Orthodox Christian spiritual growth and development is established and accepted as the basis of a couple's life, then divergent paths of growth in other areas will not create difficulties in a marriage. The commitment of love requires that we keep our priorities clear. Man was not created to exist in egoistic isolation, and man and woman are not two totally separate beings, for neither can, on their own, fulfil God's command to be fruitful and multiply. Rather, they are two halves of one whole, called upon to dwell together in a sanctified unity, drawing together in an increasing love, so that in such a state of oneness, they may rise from carnal to spiritual love and so aspire toward the Creator, having discovered through their own ascent in love the hint of that higher and more perfect love which seeks freedom from the bonds of fleshly passions. Marriage provides us with an opportunity and a means to grow and develop in the spiritual and emotional realm, but this growth and development can only take place on a firm foundation of genuine commitment to each other, and a mutual, sincere commitment to God. The bond of unity and ever-growing love between husband and wife is designed to give humanity a basic experience and awareness of a growth in love toward unity with God, made possible by Jesus Christ. Marriage, according to the Apostle, is a type of Christ and the Church. It is intended to instruct us, not by means of abstract concepts or in books or words, but in an actual living experience, about Christ and the Church, and our whole relationship with God. Love is intended to be, first and foremost, a path of salvation, a path of ascension toward God. The commitment of love is an important aspect of this, for it defeats our ego and self-love, which are hindrances to our salvation and our relationship with God. Marriage is not a legal or magical ritual for "making sexual relations moral." It is perfectly possible for sexual relations within a marriage to be immoral. If one party has entered into the marriage under false pretences and is living in it without genuine love then, for that person the relationship is not moral, but merely a matter of utility or self-gratification. Love itself is the factor which makes the union moral. It is wrong to consider that the crowning ceremony is a magical means of changing something immoral into something moral. For, though a marriage is sanctified by the Church, it is the condition and transformation of the heart which perfects and transfigures and saves. All these things should be discussed in detail, and prayerfully, not only with a couple who have decided to be married, but with teenagers, and in a more simple form this should be gently woven into the children's church-school classes. The depth of commitment in marriage must be stressed, and the priest should make it clear that the commitment in marriage is not only a commitment of two people to each other, but a commitment to God which involves the salvation of the soul. Marriage is, above all, a union of two people for the sake of mutually working out the salvation of their souls. Marriage is a means of ascent toward the heavenly kingdom.
"Shall I tell you how marriage is also a mystery of the
Church? Christ came into the Church, and She was made of Him and
He united with Her in spiritual intercourse...So marriage is a
type of the presence of Christ." (St John Chrysostom, Homily
on Ephesians). In the beginning, God created man and woman and called on them to unite as one, to live in unity and harmony, putting every other relationship aside. They were to be so spiritually united that they would be "as one flesh." (Gn.2: 24) In paradise this unity was real. After the fall, however, divisions of all kinds took place in our human nature and the bond between husband and wife was corrupted. Because of this corruption, divorce was permitted (Nm.30:10-14) because mankind's heart had become hardened (Mt.19:7-8). There was a certain amount of protection for a woman, particularly with relation to her dowry but, apart from some social restrictions, divorce was simply a matter of the man telling the woman that the marriage was over. Marriage had lost its divine purpose and become only an agreement to live together, to "co-habit." Technically, it was reduced to a social and sexual function. With the coming of Christ, something dramatic took place which changed the way marriage is understood. Christ not only restored the original meaning of marriage, but gave it the fulness of its meaning. Christ not only restored, in Himself, the original condition of man, but in His humanity the destiny which Adam failed to attain is completed. As the "new Adam," He restores all things to their original intent and purpose. God's plan for mankind is re-born in Christ. The blessed condition of humanity in paradise was lost.(1) Christ has reopened the gates of paradise and, in the Holy Church, planted anew the garden of Grace. The Kingdom of God has now been manifested on earth, and henceforth everything that takes place in the Christian life must be viewed in the context of the Heavenly Kingdom. Perhaps mankind has not yet returned to Eden, but paradise, in a spiritual form, has returned to mankind, and all who believe and accept the Kingdom must strive to draw away from the standards and concepts of the fallen world and come into accord with the standards and concepts of the Kingdom of God. Spiritually, with the help of Christ and the Holy Spirit, man must rebuild paradise in his heart, or rather struggle to allow the Holy Spirit to manifest it there. For the Kingdom must live within us now if we hope to abide in it for eternity. Thus, for the Orthodox Christian, every step, every aspect of life is a Holy Mystery __ a mystery of the Kingdom, and thus a part of the Mystery of Redemption. In the manifestation of the Heavenly Kingdom by Jesus Christ, marriage returns to its original intent, to the purpose for which it was created in paradise. It is once more a revelation of redemption, a type and likeness of Christ and the Church. The being of mankind itself reveals the Church and its relationship to Christ our God __ obscured though that revelation may have become. For the human race, working together with Satan, has enslaved itself with senseless passions and negative stereotypes. Western man has excelled in this, to such a degree that the true basis and purpose of human sexuality as a revelation has become completely obscured. By sexuality we do not mean "making love" (sex). Sexuality is the whole fabric of an individual's being as either male or female. When human sexuality becomes imprisoned in stereotypes and moralistic bonds, then it is held back from rising to its true purpose and that purpose itself is obscured in blind negatives. Human sexuality is at once deep and powerful, and yet as fine and delicate and beautiful as a fragile spring blossom. It is fascinatingly simple and pure, while at the same time, one of the most complex, baffling and vulnerable aspects of our inter-human relations. These contradictory qualities are the conflict between the passions of the fallen nature, and the purpose of the creation of human sexuality. Man was created for communion with God. He can find his complete fulfilment only in a life of communion, praise and giving glory to the Creator, living in a unison of love with God, by love drawing nearer to Him, toward sharing in His immortality, in His Deity. We know that man was not created for death, that it was not God's intention for him to die, but rather to live through unity with the Creator. Yet God, Who knows all things from eternity unto eternity, foreknew humanity's fall from this state of unity and thus, the advent of death. On account of this, He created Eve and provided every creature and living thing with a means of procreation. Man and woman were created in such a way that even in the fallen state they would have a means of a certain fulfilment in a type and revelation about Christ and the Church. The Apostle Paul, speaking to the Ephesians about the Mystery of marriage (which is also, in fact, the mystery of human sexuality), says: "This mystery is great, for I speak of Christ and the Church," and St John Chrysostom tells us: "Shall I tell you how marriage is also a mystery of the Church? Christ came into the Church, and She was made of Him and He united with Her in spiritual intercourse...So marriage is a type of the presence of Christ." Humans were not created to exist in egoistic isolation, but to dwell together in a sanctified unity, drawing together in an increasing love so that in such a state of oneness, they may rise in spiritual love and so aspire toward the Creator, having discovered through their own ascent in love the hint of that higher and more perfect love which seeks freedom from the bonds of fleshly passions. The bond of unity and growing love between husband and wife is designed to give man the first basic experience and awareness of his growth in love, toward unity with God, made possible by Christ Jesus. Human sexuality is intended to reflect and thus to instruct us, not in totally abstract concepts or in books or words, but in actual living experience, concerning Christ and the Church and our whole relationship with God. In this revelation, the husband typifies Christ and the wife typifies the Church.
Marriage is a very great mystery of divine Grace. As a type of Christ and the Holy Church, Orthodox matrimony is also a profound revelation about the nature of our redemption. It reveals to us the fallen nature and teaches what Christ has done to redeem human nature through His Holy Church. Since the mystery of redemption has nothing to do with fulfilling or satisfying justice or with purging some imaginary "Original Sin," but rather with the rescue and healing of the human nature, enslaved by sin and the bondage of death, marriage is an ideal reflection of our redemption. Christ came to earth to redeem human nature from the bondage of the Evil One and to regenerate us through the mystery of co-suffering love, a love so great, so totally unselfish, that the Immortal One Himself laid down His life for our sake. As Apostle Paul says: "Christ loved the Church and gave His life for Her" (Eph.5:25). The creation of man and woman as opposites, as two separate parts of one whole, was a provision God made, foreknowing man's fall. As such, it is a revelation about the separateness or division in the fallen human nature caused by sin, as St Basil the Great says: "For there would be no divisions, no strife, no war among men, if sin had not made cleavages in human nature....And this is foremost in the Saviour's incarnate ekonomy: to gather human nature to itself and to Himself and, having abolished this evil cleavage, to restore the original unity, as the best physician binds up a body that has been broken in many pieces...." Thus, marriage is a sanctified union of two people with different aspects of the human nature. This union joins the struggle of two individuals into a stronger, mutual effort for salvation. By growing in co-suffering, unselfish love for each other and their family, they conquer the fragmentation of human nature into isolated and self-centred individualism. This is stated clearly in the Prayer of Betrothal: "O Lord, eternal God, Who has brought into unity and oneness the things which before had been separate, Who blessed Isaak and Rebecca declaring them to be inheritors of Thy promise, bless these Thy servants...." These same ideas are evident in the prayers throughout the service of the Holy Mystery of Matrimony, particularly in the most notable part of the service, the crowning. Traditionally, the bride and groom are crowned three times with "stefana," wreaths of laurel and blossoms which, from ancient times, has symbolized victory. At the time of the crowning ceremony, the husband and wife are led three times around the analogion with the Gospel on it. As they process, three hymns are chanted which explain both the three-fold crowning and the profound meaning of marriage: "Rejoice, O Isaiah! For a virgin was truly with child and bore a Son, Emmanuel, Who is both God and Man: Dayspring is His name, and magnifying Him, we call the Virgin blessed." The bride and groom are crowned with a crown of rejoicing. For Christ, as the Prophet foretold, has come into the world to reunite and redeem human nature, uniting it to Himself and regenerating it in His Holy Church. They are crowned with joy as types of Christ and His Holy Church, symbolizing and typifying that very redemption itself, as they are united into one flesh by the Holy Spirit. For the second crowning, as the couple processes around the analogion, the people chant: "O holy martyrs who have fought the good fight and have received your crowns: entreat the Lord to have mercy on our souls." The couple is crowned also with the martyr's crown. As Christ loved His Church and died for Her (Eph.5:25), so also now the husband and wife are called upon to sacrifice their ego and self-love, to cease being "I" and become "we." They will sacrifice themselves for each other and, later, for their children, willingly "martyring" themselves, overcoming their own individual ego and will for the sake of one another, out of love of each other. By this very act, they experience and grow in co-suffering love in imitation of Christ. In this, the human nature is healed and redeemed, if they will "run with patience the race which is set before them" (Hb. 12:1). The third crowning, and circuit of the analogion and Gospel, is signified by the hymn: "Glory to Thee, O Christ God, Boast of the apostles and Joy of martyrs who proclaimed the Consubstantial Trinity." The victory crown of salvation is bestowed upon the couple, for marriage is a union of two people into one flesh so that they can mutually work out their salvation by means of love, hope, joy, self-sacrificing and spiritual struggle. They have become both martyrs and apostles of Christ, striving to live His Gospel and teach it to their children, shepherding their families as the apostles and bishops shepherd the Church. Moreover, bride and groom have become something of a type of oneness of love of the Holy Trinity, since "the two shall be one flesh" (Gn.2:24; Mt.19:5), "so that they are no longer two, but one flesh" (Mt.19:6). The original form of the Orthodox Christian marriage service was simple, direct and clear. The couple attended the Divine Liturgy and received Holy Communion together. They were then blessed by the bishop with a short prayer in which he asked God to unite the couple. The actual moment of the completion of the marriage was (and is) the joint reception of Holy Communion. This is straightforward and perfectly logical, since marriage is a type and likeness of Christ and the Church. The Liturgy is the divine wedding feast of Christ and the Church, and Holy Communion is that moment in which the faithful __ the Church __ are supremely united to Christ. Holy Communion is a central point in our redemption. Marriage, as a direct type of the unity of Christ and the Church, is thus an event in the realm of redemption. For Orthodox Christians, marriage is not simply a mutual agreement to live together in love and raise children in a legally sanctioned bond. It is a form of ministry, sealed by the Holy Spirit, in which the couple become living types of Christ and the Church, fulfilling the ministry of salvation toward each other, toward their children and toward the whole Orthodox community.
"How shall we describe the joy of a marriage which is
prepared and arranged by the Church. It is given strength by the
Eucharist, and the seal of blessing is set upon it; angels are
present as witnesses and the Father bestows His consent upon it." (Tertullian) Then a couple have had their marriage crowned by the Church, their union is one specially sanctified "both on earth and in heaven" (Mt.16:19), and their marriage is not theirs alone, but is a matter of the whole Church, the whole body of Christ. This is why there is no possibility of a "private marriage," which excludes any of the faithful from attendance. Marriage is a liturgical service which takes place in the presence of the whole "people of God." For the Orthodox Christian, the faithful __ the people of God __ are his or her immediate family, for they have a common father __ God __ and a common mother __ the Church. A private, "by invitation only" wedding is not Orthodox, and is contrary to the very essence of Orthodox marriage. A priest has no reason to serve such a marriage, and if a couple seek to insist on such an arrangement, he should refuse on the grounds that they are not seeking to enter into an Orthodox Christian marriage. The Holy Mysteries are not a matter of the priest making magical pronouncements over people. The Mysteries are "liturgical," and this means "a gathering of the faithful," not "a ritual." An Orthodox wedding is a matter of the whole congregation (coming together) of the faithful in which the priest, as the ordained representative of the congregation, presides. The prayers are the prayers of the whole congregation, the "people of God," being led by their ordained presbyter. A wedding served only by the priest without the coming together of the congregation to jointly bestow the prayers and benedictions of the Church, is not proper and not Orthodox. A priest has no right to serve any Holy Mystery or Liturgical service of the Church at which a portion of the faithful are excluded. What we have said here should also make it clear that Sunday is the proper day for marriage, that the couple should have their marriage crowned at the Liturgy and, if they are both Orthodox, receive Communion together. It is quite perverse to marry a couple on Saturday, without the Divine Liturgy and Communion.(2) This not only leaves the marriage un-sealed by the mutual reception of Holy Communion, but also puts them in the position of spending their first night together instead of preparing for Communion on the eve of the Lord's Day Liturgy, thus from the beginning, violating the essential meaning of marriage. Marriage, as with all Holy Mysteries and liturgical services, is a matter of the coming together (synaxis) of the people of God--the congregation for mutual prayers and intercession. Marriage especially, should be served in conjunction with the Liturgy and the receiving of the Eucharist. The practice of replacing Holy Communion with the "common cup" can only indicate that one of the couple is not Orthodox and therefore cannot receive Communion. This is a subject for another discussion.
Marriage unites two people in a growing bond of love and makes them "one." But marriage involves more than the two people being united. The relationship between each individual and their family and friends is going to change __ sometimes dramatically. In some instances, old friendships will slowly disappear. Family relationships will not disappear, however, and each partner in a marriage will acquire a new or "extended family." From an Orthodox point of view, parents and family are very important. An Orthodox couple who are planning to marry should work out their relationship with each other's parents and family before their marriage takes place. Much pain and difficulty can be avoided if there is a loving, harmonious relationship among the extended family, on both sides. The basis for this love and harmony is the love between husband and wife. A person is expected to "leave mother and father and cling" to one another. In reality, however, when a couple marry, each of them usually marries into a new family of in-laws. The manner in which each spouse relates to the new "expanded family" can have a dramatic effect on the condition of the marriage. It should not always be this way, but it usually is, and this should be taken into account in the early stages of planning for a marriage. There are two special reasons for this in modern society. First of all, we do not have the cultural and social support which existed in previous times, and which controlled and helped shape our clan and tribal relationships. The old, clear and inviolable standards of relationships __ even the beautiful and enduring Serbian "Kumstvo" __ have all but vanished in the modern hi-tech and highly mobile society. The second problem is complex; we find that marriages in which a young couple live at home and go directly from their family setting into marriage, are especially vulnerable. This was not the case when the former cultural and social frameworks were strong, but it is now. We now find that when two people have lived on their own for a while and "discovered themselves" before they enter into marriage, the marriage tends to be stronger. There are clear reasons for this, but it is an unfortunate situation. From a spiritual point of view, it is better if a person does not live alone, subjected to extra temptations. It is better to live with one's family, and leave home only when one marries but, in our society, this is only an ideal. When it does happen, each partner is obviously more closely bound to his or her family, and too often the other partner is not merely marrying the spouse, he or she is "marrying the spouses family." It is important for the priest to discuss this with a couple who plan to marry. It is important for a couple to realize that their love is going to have to extend outward to their new relatives. Their love must expand beyond themselves and encompass the "new family" they are marrying into. Each partner should weigh his or her relationship with and feelings toward the extended family and realize the full implications it holds for their marriage. This matter must be examined and discussed frankly as part of the priest's preparatory discussions with the couple. In marriage, love must be an ever expanding circle. Our children naturally expand its boundaries, but each partner must expect and understand the full implication of "sharing their love" with each other's family. They should also understand the proper boundaries to this sharing of love, and firmly resolve that their love for each other and the marriage are their first considerations. The couple should carefully resolve, ahead of time, questions about the limits of their parents influence and involvement in their married life. They must put each other first and their marriage above every consideration, while resolving to love and respect each other's parents and relatives. The priest, counselling a couple who desire to be married, should never neglect to discuss this important matter of relationships with the "extended family." Continued parental dependency in one or both marriage partners is a frequent source of conflict and stress. It occurs predominantly by (but not exclusively among) individuals who have not lived away from home before their marriage. Over dependency on parents and/or parental over protectiveness can be a real destroyer of marriages if it is not recognized and dealt with effectively. Gentleness, compassion and understanding are necessary in these cases, but firmness and a primary loyalty to the spouse are equally necessary. Other related problems are discussed in the section, "Stress Points in Marriage."
There are many stress points in marriage, and we cannot discuss all of them here. There is, however, one important and pivotal problem which must be looked at. One major stress point which can be quite serious, and which often requires special love and work to come through, is the differing rate of growth and maturity which is often experienced by each partner in a marriage. In this present context, let us repeat something that was said earlier. None of us is a "complete package." We are all constantly changing, hopefully growing and developing. No two people grow and develop at the same rate and to the same degree. Unfortunately, some of us actually stop growing mentally, emotionally and spiritually, and begin to stagnate and then degenerate. Often the elusive, almost un-definable gradual breakdown in a marriage is precisely this difference in the growth and development of the partners in marriage. It does not matter whether both partners are working outside the home or the wife is working in the home, one of the two will almost certainly mature more quickly and more completely, and the spiritual, emotional and intellectual growth rate may very easily be different. This difference in development can cause a subtle development of a gulf or division between a couple and, very often, neither party realizes the source of the gradual feeling of "drifting apart." If they do realize it, it can be difficult to discuss in a positive manner. Men often feel threatened by a wife's growth and women who work in the home often feel oppressed and "cheated" of the opportunity to grow. Actually, in a relationship with true love and commitment, a couple should grow and develop not merely with each other, but because of each other. It is important to realize the possibility of this problem arising and discuss it at the very beginning of a marriage; indeed, it should be an integral part of the pre-marital counselling. Personal and individual growth, maturing and development is something that should be planned for, and from the very beginning of an Orthodox marriage, it should be resolved that this process is going to be founded on genuine spiritual growth. It should be clearly understood that mutual spiritual growth and development is a fundamental reason for an Orthodox marriage in the first place. If this is clearly established, and the possibility of differing rates of intellectual and emotional maturing is understood from the beginning, it will be infinitely easier to cope with such a problem if it should arise. Any family, whether it consists only of husband and wife, or includes a number of children, must constantly struggle to grow, develop and mature spiritually, emotionally and intellectually together, as a unit. This is difficult to accomplish and, from an Orthodox perspective, it requires much prayer and a clearly Christ-centred family life. It is evident that this is something which must be carefully planned for in pre-marriage discussions and during the early years of a marriage. From an Orthodox Christian perspective, it is an essential part of the reason for a couple to want to marry each other, and it is a fundamental aspect of the very nature of marriage. THE SERVICE FOR THE HOLY MYSTERY OF THE CROWNING OF A MARRIAGE According to the doctrine and tradition of the Orthodox Christian Church. The crowning service begins with the betrothal of the couple. This portion of the service takes place near the back of the church, close to the entrance. The exchanging of rings is not connected with crowning of marriage, but with the betrothal, the promise and committment leading toward marriage. The reason the betrothal service is now done at the same time as the crowning is this: a betrothal has the same spiritual force as marriage itself. In earlier times, when war was an almost constant part of life in the Byzantine empire, it often happened that a woman was betrothed to a man, and before the time of the crowning of the marraige, the man would be killed in a battle. This left the woman as a widow, and any marriage she contracted after this would be second marriage, even though she might still be a virgin. To prevent such a situation, the betrothal came to be celebrated on the same day as the crowning. Nevertheless, the betrothal and the crowning are not part of the same service, and so they are not celebrated in the same place. Betrothal is a promise, and is given at the vestibule, at the same place one is made a catechumen for baptism. The crowining of the marriage, being a type of Christ and the Church, and being intimately connected with the Divine Liturgy, is celebrated near the amvon, at the front of the church. The groom and the groomsman [kumbaro; kum; bestman] stand near the entrance from the narthex to the nave of the church (in an Orthodox church, this is the point where the vestibule enters into the main body of the church). The priest, fully vested, addresses the congregation briefly, concerning the service they are about to witness and participate in. He then calls for the bride to enter the vestibule and take her place beside the groom. The wedding party follow behind the bride and stand in the appointed place during the service. The priest, accompanied by a server, the chanter and the ring bearer, then comes forth to meet the couple at the appointed place. At this point, the priest begins the service of the betrothal, as the bridal party stand behing the couple as witnesses to the betrothal.
PRIEST: Blessed is our God, always, now and ever and unto ages of ages. PEOPLE: Amen. PRIEST: In peace let us pray to the Lord. PEOPLE: Lord, have mercy. PRIEST: For the peace from above and for the salvation of our souls, let us pray to the Lord. PEOPLE: Lord, have mercy. PRIEST: For the peace of the whole world, for the welfare of the holy churches of God, and for the union of all the faithful, let us pray to the Lord. PEOPLE: Lord, have mercy. PRIEST: For this holy house and for those who with faith, reverence, and the fear of God, enter herein, let us pray to the Lord. PEOPLE: Lord, have mercy. PRIEST: For our Right Reverend Bishop ___ , for the honourable presbytery, the diaconate in Christ, for all the clergy and the people, let us pray to the Lord. PEOPLE: Lord, have mercy. PRIEST: {CANADA:} For Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth the Second, for her government and civil authorities, and that she may reign in peace and justice, let us pray to the Lord. PRIEST: {AMERICA:} For the president and congress of the United States, and all civil authorities, and that they may govern in peace and justice, let us pray to the Lord. PEOPLE: Lord, have mercy. PRIEST: For the servant of God______ , and for the handmaiden of God________ , who now seal their pledge to one another, and for their salvation, let us pray to the Lord. PEOPLE: Lord, have mercy. PRIEST: That they may be granted children for the continuation of the race, and all their petitions which are unto salvation, let us pray to the Lord. PEOPLE: Lord, have mercy. PRIEST: That He will send down upon them perfect and peaceful love, and assistance, let us pray to the Lord. PEOPLE: Lord, have mercy. PRIEST: That He will preserve them in oneness of mind, and in steadfast faith, let us pray to the Lord. PEOPLE: Lord, have mercy. PRIEST: That He will preserve them in a blameless way of life, let us pray to the Lord. PEOPLE: Lord, have mercy. PRIEST: That the Lord our God will grant to them an honourable marriage and a bed undefiled, let us pray to the Lord. PEOPLE: Lord, have mercy. PRIEST: For our deliverance from all tribulation, wrath, danger and necessity, let us pray to the Lord. PEOPLE: Lord, have mercy. PRIEST: Help us, save us, have mercy on us, and keep us, O God, by Thy Grace. PEOPLE: Lord, have mercy. PRIEST: Calling to remembrance our most holy, most pure, most blessed and glorious Lady the Theotokos and Ever-virgin Mary, with all the saints, let us commit ourselves and each other, and all our life unto Christ our God. PEOPLE: To Thee, O Lord. PRIEST: For unto Thee are due all glory, honour, and worship: to Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, now and ever and unto ages of ages. PEOPLE: Amen. PRIEST: O Lord, eternal God, Who has brought into unity and oneness the things which before had been separate, and has ordained for them an indissoluble bond of love, Who blessed Isaak and Rebecca, and made them heirs of Thy promise: Bless also these Thy servants and guide them unto every good work. For Thou art a good and manbefriending God, and we glorify Thee: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, now and ever and unto ages of ages. PEOPLE: Amen. PRIEST: Peace be unto all. PEOPLE: And to thy spirit. PRIEST: Bow your heads unto the Lord. PEOPLE: To Thee, O Lord. PRIEST: O Lord our God, Who has espoused the Church as a pure virgin from among the gentiles: Bless this betrothal, and unite and maintain these Thy servants in peace and oneness of mind. For all glory, honour, and worship are due unto Thee: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, now and ever and unto ages of ages. PEOPLE: Amen. The servant of God________ is betrothed to the handmaiden of God________ in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen. The handmaiden of God_________ is betrothed to the servant of God______ in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen. PRIEST: Let us pray to the Lord. PEOPLE: Lord, have mercy. PRIEST: O Lord our God, Who accompanied the servant of the patriarch Abraham into Mesopotamia, when he was sent to espouse a wife for his son Isaak, and who, by means of the drawing of water, revealed to him that he should betroth Rebecca: bless also the betrothal of these Thy servants ___________ and____________ and confirm the promise that they have made. Establish them in the holy union which is from Thee. For in the beginning Thou madest them male and female, and by Thee the woman is joined unto the man as a helper and for the procreation of the human race. Therefore, O Lord our God, Who has sent forth Thy truth upon Thine inheritance, and Thy covenant unto Thy servants our fathers, Thine elect from generation to generation: Look upon Thy servant ________ and handmaiden _______ and establish and make firm their betrothal, in faith and in oneness of mind, in truth and in love. For Thou, O Lord, hast declared that a pledge should be given and confirmed in all things. By a ring power was given to Joseph in Egypt; by a ring Daniel was glorified in the land of Babylon; by a ring the uprightness of Tamar was revealed; by a ring our heavenly Father showed His bounty upon His Son, for He said: Bring the fatted calf and kill it, and let us eat and make merry. By Thine own right hand, O Lord, Thou armed Moses in the Red Sea; by Thy true word the heavens were established, and the foundations of the earth were made firm; and the right hands of Thy servants also shall be blessed by Thy mighty word and by Thine upraised arm. Therefore, O Master, bless now this putting-on of rings with Thy heavenly blessing, and let Thine angel go before them all the days of their life. For Thou art He Who blesses and sanctifies all things, and all glory, honour and worship are due unto Thee: to Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, now and ever and unto ages of ages. PEOPLE: Amen.
PRIEST: Glory to Thee, O God, glory to Thee. READER: Blessed is every one who fears the Lord, who walks in His ways! REFRAIN: Glory to Thee, O God, glory to Thee. READER: Thou shalt eat the fruit of the labour of thy hands; thou shalt be happy, and it shall be well with you. REFRAIN: Glory to Thee, O God, glory to Thee. READER: Thy spouse will be like a fruitful vine upon thy house; REFRAIN: Glory to Thee, O God, glory to Thee. READER: Thy children will be like young olive trees around thy table. REFRAIN: Glory to Thee, O God, glory to Thee. READER: Thus shall they be blessed who fear the Lord. REFRAIN: Glory to Thee, O God, glory to Thee. READER: The Lord bless thee from Zion! REFRAIN: Glory to Thee, O God, glory to Thee. READER: May you see the prosperity of Jerusalem all the days of thy life! REFRAIN: Glory to Thee, O God, glory to Thee. READER: May you see thy children's children! Peace be upon Israel! REFRAIN: Glory to Thee, O God, glory to Thee.
PRIEST: Blessed is the Kingdom of Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, now and ever and unto ages of ages. PEOPLE: Amen. PRIEST: In peace let us pray to the Lord. PEOPLE: Lord, have mercy. PRIEST: For the peace from above and for the salvation of our souls, let us pray to the Lord. PEOPLE: Lord, have mercy. PRIEST: For the peace of the whole world, for the welfare of the holy churches of God, and for the union of all the faithful, let us pray to the Lord. PEOPLE: Lord, have mercy. PRIEST: For this holy house and for those who with faith, reverence, and the fear of God, enter herein, let us pray to the Lord. PEOPLE: Lord, have mercy. PRIEST: For our Right Reverend Bishop _________, for the honourable presbytery, the diaconate in Christ, for all the clergy and the people, let us pray to the Lord. PEOPLE: Lord, have mercy. PRIEST: {CANADA:} For Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth the Second, and for her government and civil authorities, and that she may reign in peace and justice, let us pray to the Lord. PRIEST: {AMERICA:} For the president and congress of the United States, and all civil authorities, and that they may govern in peace and justice, let us pray to the Lord. PEOPLE: Lord, have mercy. PRIEST: For the servants of God, ______ and _____, who are now being united to each other in the community of marriage, and for their salvation, let us pray to the Lord. PEOPLE: Lord, have mercy. PRIEST: That He will bless this marriage, as He blessed the marriage in Cana of Galilee, let us pray to the Lord. PEOPLE: Lord, have mercy. PRIEST: That He will grant to them chastity, and of the fruit of the womb as is expedient for them, let us pray to the Lord. PEOPLE: Lord, have mercy. PRIEST: That He will make them glad with the sight of children, let us pray to the Lord. PEOPLE: Lord, have mercy. PRIEST: That He will grant to them enjoyment of the blessing of children, and a blameless life, let us pray to the Lord. PEOPLE: Lord, have mercy. PRIEST: That He will grant to them and to us, all our petitions which are unto salvation, let us pray to the Lord. PEOPLE: Lord, have mercy. PRIEST: That He will deliver them and us from all affliction, wrath, danger, and necessity, let us pray to the Lord. PEOPLE: Lord, have mercy. PRIEST: Help us, save us, have mercy on us, and keep us, O God, by Thy Grace. PEOPLE: Lord, have mercy. PRIEST: Calling to remembrance our most holy, most pure, most blessed and glorious Lady the Theotokos and Ever-virgin Mary, with all the saints let us commit ourselves and one another, and all our life unto Christ our God. PEOPLE: To Thee, O Lord. PRIEST: For unto Thee are due all glory, honour and worship: to Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, now and ever and unto ages of ages. PEOPLE: Amen. PRIEST: Let us pray to the Lord. PEOPLE: Lord, have mercy. O God most pure, fashioner of every creature, Who transformed the rib of our forefather Adam into a wife, because of Thy love towards mankind, and blessed them, saying, `Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it;' Who made of the two one flesh: Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and cleaves to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh, and what God has joined together, let no man put asunder: Thou blessed Thy servant Abraham, and opening the womb of Sarah made them to be the parents of many nations. Thou gavest Isaak to Rebekka, and blessed her in childbearing. Thou joined Jakob unto Rachel, and from them brought forth the twelve patriarchs. Thou united Joseph and Aseneth, giving to them Ephraim and Manasseh as the fruit of their procreation. Thou accepted Zachary and Elizabeth, and made their offspring to be the Forerunner. From the root of Jesse according to the flesh, Thou didst bud forth the ever-virgin one, and wast incarnate of her, and wast born of her for the redemption of the human race. Through Thine unutterable gift and manifold goodness, Thou camest to Cana of Galilee, and blessed the marriage there, to make manifest that it is Thy will that there should be lawful marriage and procreation. Accept these prayers from us, Thy servants, O all-holy Master. As Thou wast present there, be also present here, with Thine invisible protection. Bless this marriage and grant to these Thy servants, _________ and __________, a peaceful life, length of days, chastity, mutual love in the bond of peace, long lived offspring, gratitude from their children, a crown of glory that does not fade away. Graciously grant that they may see their children's children. Preserve their bed unassailed and give them of the dew of heaven from the height of Thy holy abode, and of the fatness of the earth. Fill their houses with wheat, wine and oil and with every good thing, so that they may give in turn to those in need; and grant also to those present here with them all those petitions which are for their salvation. For Thou art the God of mercies, and of bounties, and of love towards mankind, and we glorify Thee: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, now and ever and unto ages of ages. PEOPLE: Amen. PRIEST: Let us pray to the Lord. PEOPLE: Lord, have mercy. Blessed are Thou, O Lord our God, priest of mystical and undefiled marriage, and ordainer of the law of the marriage of the body; bestower of immortality, and provider of the good things of life; the same Master Who in the beginning made man and established him as ruler over creation, and did say: "It is not good that man should be alone upon the earth. Let us make a helper fit for him." Taking one of his ribs, Thou fashioned woman; and when Adam saw her he said: "This is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man." For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh; what therefore God has joined together, let no man put asunder: O Master, our Lord and our God, send down now Thy heavenly Grace upon these Thy servants, and grant that this Thy handmaiden may be obedient to her husband in all things, and that this Thy servant may be the head of his wife, so that they may live according to Thy will. Bless them, O Lord our God, as Thou blessed Abraham and Sarah. Bless them, O Lord our God, as Thou blessed Isaak and Rebekka. Bless them, O Lord our God, as Thou blessed Jakob and all the patriarchs. Bless them, O Lord our God, as Thou blessed Joseph and Aseneth. Bless them, O Lord our God, as Thou blessed Moses and Zipporah. Bless them, O Lord our God, as Thou blessed Joakim and Anna. Bless them, O Lord our God, as Thou blessed Zachary and Elizabeth. Preserve them, O Lord our God, as Thou preserved Noah in the ark. Preserve them, O Lord our God, as Thou preserved Jonah in the belly of the whale. Preserve them, O Lord our God, as Thou preserved the three holy children from the fire, sending down upon them dew from heaven; and let that gladness come upon them which the blessed Helen had when she found the precious Cross. Remember them, O Lord our God, as Thou remembered Enoch, Shem and Elijah. Remember them, O Lord our God, as Thou remembered Thy forty holy martyrs, sending down upon them crowns from heaven. Remember them, O Lord our God, and the parents who have nurtured them, for the prayers of parents make firm the foundations of houses. Remember, O Lord our God, Thy servants, the groomsman and the bridesmaid of the bridal pair, who have come together in this joy. Remember, O Lord our God, Thy servant, and Thy handmaiden, and bless them. Grant them of the fruit of their bodies, fair children, concord of soul and body. Exalt them like the cedars of Lebanon, like a luxuriant vine. Give them offspring in number like unto full ears of grain; so that, having enough of all things, they may abound in every work that is good and acceptable to Thee. Let them see their children's children, like olive shoots around their table; so that, finding favour in Thy sight, they may shine like the stars of heaven, in Thee, O our God. For all glory, honour, and worship are due unto Thee: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, now and ever and unto ages of ages. PEOPLE: Amen. PRIEST: Let us pray to the Lord. PEOPLE: Lord, have mercy. O holy God, Who formed man from the dust, and fashioned woman from his rib, and joined her to him as a helper, for it seemed good to Thy majesty that man should not be alone upon the earth: Reach out now with Thy hand from Thy holy dwelling-place, and unite this Thy servant _____ and this Thy handmaiden______; for by Thee is the husband joined unto the wife. Unite them in one mind; wed them into one flesh, granting to them the fruit of the body and the procreation of fair children. For Thine are the majesty, the Kingdom, the power and the glory: of Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, now and ever and unto ages of ages. PEOPLE: Amen. The servant of God____, is crowned unto the handmaiden of God____, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. The handmaiden of God_______, is crowned unto the servant of God______, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. O Lord our God, crown them with glory and honour.
PRIEST: Let us attend. Peace be unto all. READER: And to thy spirit. PRIEST: Wisdom! READER: The prokeimenon in the eighth tone: Thou hast set upon their heads crowns of precious stones; / they asked life of Thee and Thou gavest it them. VERSE: Thou wilt make them most blessed for ever; Thou wilt make them glad with the joy of Thy presence. (Ps.21). PRIEST: Wisdom! READER: The reading from the Epistle of the holy Apostle Paul to the Ephesians: PRIEST: Let us attend. READER: Brethren: Give thanks always and for everything in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, to God the Father. Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, be subject to your husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the Church, His body, and is Himself its Saviour. As the Church is subject to Christ, so let wives also be subject in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for Her, that He might sanctify Her, having cleansed Her by the washing of water with the word, that the Church might be presented before Him in splendour, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that She might be holy and without blemish. Even so husbands should love wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no man ever hates his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, as Christ does the Church, because we are members of His body. "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one." This is a great mystery, for I speak of Christ and the Church; however, let each one of you love his wife as himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband. (Ephesians 5:20-33). PRIEST: Peace be unto Thee, O reader. READER: And to thy spirit. PEOPLE: Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia! READER: Thou, O Lord, shall protect us and preserve us from this generation and forevermore. PEOPLE: Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia! PRIEST: Peace be unto all. PEOPLE: And to thy spirit. PRIEST: The reading from the Holy Gospel according to John. PEOPLE: Glory to Thee, O Lord, glory to Thee. PRIEST: Let us attend. In those days there was a marriage at Cana in Galilee, and the mother of Jesus was there; Jesus also was invited to the marriage, with His disciples. When the wine was used up, the mother of Jesus said to Him, "They have no wine." And Jesus said to her, "Dear woman, what is that to you and me? My hour has not yet come." His mother said to the servants, "Do whatever He tells you." Now six stone jars were standing there, for the Jewish rites of purification, each holding twenty or thirty gallons. Jesus said to them, "Fill the jars with water." And they filled them up to the brim. He said to them, "Now draw some out, and take it to the steward of the feast." So they took it. When the steward of the feast tasted the water now become wine, and did not know where it came from (though the servants who had drawn the water knew), the steward of the feast called the bride groom and said to him, "Every man serves the good wine first; and when men have drunk freely, then the poor wine; but you have kept the good wine until now." This, the first of his miracles Jesus did at Cana in Galilee, and manifested His glory; and His disciples believed in Him. (John 2:1-11). PEOPLE: Glory to Thee, O Lord, glory to Thee. PRIEST: Let us all say with our whole soul and with all our mind, let us say. PEOPLE: Lord, have mercy. PRIEST: O Lord almighty, the God of Fathers, we pray Thee, hearken and have mercy. PEOPLE: Lord, have mercy. PRIEST: Have mercy on us, O God, according to Thy great goodness, we pray Thee, hearken and have mercy. PEOPLE: Lord, have mercy. (3 times) PRIEST: Again we pray for mercy, life, peace, health, salvation, and visitation for the servants of God, ___________ and ____________, and for the pardon and remission of their sins. PEOPLE: Lord, have mercy. (3 times) PRIEST: For Thou art a merciful and man-befriending God, and we glorify Thee: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, now and ever and unto ages of ages. PEOPLE: Amen. PRIEST: Let us pray to the Lord. PEOPLE: Lord, have mercy. PRIEST: O Lord our God, Who in Thy saving ekonomy did, by Thy presence in Cana of Galilee, declare marriage honourable: Now also keep in peace and concord Thy servants____________, and ____________, Whom Thou hast been pleased to join together. Cause their marriage to be honourable. Preserve their bed blameless. Mercifully grant that they may live together in purity; and enable them to reach a ripe old age, walking in Thy commandments with a pure heart. For Thou art our God, the God of mercy and salvation, and we glorify Thee: Father, Son and Holy Spirit, now and ever and to ages of ages. PEOPLE: Amen. PRIEST: Help us, save us, have mercy on us, and keep us, O God, by Thy Grace. PEOPLE: Lord, have mercy. PRIEST: That the whole day may be perfect, holy, peaceful, and sinless, let us ask of the Lord. PEOPLE: Grant this, O Lord. PRIEST: An angel of peace, a faithful guide, a guardian of our souls and bodies, let us ask of the Lord. PEOPLE: Grant this, O Lord. PRIEST: Pardon and remission of our sins and offences, let us ask of the Lord. PEOPLE: Grant this, O Lord. PRIEST: All things that are good and profitable for our souls, and peace for the world, let us ask of the Lord. PEOPLE: Grant this, O Lord. PRIEST: That we may complete the remaining time of our life in peace and repentance, let us ask of the Lord. PEOPLE: Grant this, O Lord. PRIEST: A Christian ending to our life: painless, blameless, peaceful; and a good defence before the dread judgment seat of Christ, let us ask of the Lord. PEOPLE: Grant this, O Lord. PRIEST: Having asked for the unity of the Faith, and communion of the Holy Spirit, let us commit ourselves and one another, and all our life unto Christ our God. PEOPLE: To Thee, O Lord. PRIEST: And account us worthy, O Master, that with boldness and without condemnation we may dare to call on Thee, the heavenly God, as Father, and to say: PEOPLE: Our Father, Who art in the heavens, hallowed be Thy name. Thy Kingdom come. Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread; and forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors; and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil-one. PRIEST: For Thine are the Kingdom, power, and glory: of Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, now and ever and unto ages of ages. PEOPLE: Amen. PRIEST: Peace be unto all. PEOPLE: And to thy spirit. PRIEST: Bow your heads unto the Lord. PEOPLE: To Thee, O Lord. HOLY COMMUNION OR THE COMMON CUP AND THE PROCESSION
Rejoice, O Isaiah! A virgin was truly with child, and bore a Son Emmanuael, Who is both God and man: Day spring is His name, Whom we magnify, and we call the virgin blessed.
O holy martyrs, who have fought the good fight and have received your crowns: Entreat the Lord to have mercy on our souls.
Glory to Christ God, the boast of the apostles and the joy of the martyrs, whose preaching was the consubstantial Trinity. Be exalted like Abraham, O bridegroom, and be blessed like Isaak, and multiply as Jakob, walking in peace and keeping God's commandments in righteousness. And thou, O bride: be exalted like Sarah, and exult as Rebecca, and multiply as Rachel; and rejoice in thy husband, fulfilling the conditions of the law, for this is well-pleasing to God. PRIEST: Let us pray to the Lord. PEOPLE: Lord, have mercy. PRIEST: O God, our God, Who did come to Cana of Galilee, and there blessed the marriage feast: Bless also these Thy servants, who through Thy good providence are now united in wedlock. Bless their going out and their coming in. Fill their life with good things. Receive their crowns into Thy Kingdom, preserving them spotless, blameless, and without reproach, unto ages of ages. PEOPLE: Amen. PRIEST: Peace be unto all. PEOPLE: And with thy spirit. PRIEST: Bow your heads unto the Lord. PEOPLE: To Thee, O Lord. PRIEST: May the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, the all holy, consubstantial and life-creating Trinity, one Godhead and one Kingdom, bless you; and grant you length of days, fair children, progress in life and faith; and fill you with all earthly good things, and make you worthy to enjoy the good things of the promise; through the prayers of the holy Theotokos and of all the saints. PEOPLE: Amen. PRIEST: Wisdom! Most holy Theotokos save us. PEOPLE: More honourable than the cherubim and more glorious beyond compare than the seraphim, without corruption thou gavest birth to God the word. True Theotokos, we magnify thee. PRIEST: Glory to Thee, O Christ our God and our hope, glory to Thee. PEOPLE: Glory to Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, now and ever and unto ages of ages. Amen. Lord, have mercy. (3 times). Father/Vladika, bless. PRIEST: May He who by His presence in Cana of Galilee declared marriage to be honourable, Christ our true God, through the prayers of His most pure mother; of the holy, glorious, and all-laudable apostles; of the holy, God-anointed rulers, Constantine and Helen, the equal to the apostles; of the holy great martyr Prokopios; and of all the saints: have mercy on us and save us, for He is good and the only friend of man. PEOPLE: Amen. It is appropriate, in accord with a practice of the ancient Church, and in accord with the proper meaning of the service, for the priest to remind all Orthodox Christians present that they are both participants and witnesses to this crowning and sealing of the covenant of marriage. In ancient times, indeed, the whole congregation present actually exclaimed in a loud voice at the announcement of a marriage: "We are witnesses." This is so because the whole congregation of the people of God have concelebrated the service, and been witnesses to it; for there is no such thing as a "private wedding" or "by invitation only" wedding service in the Orthodox Church. All things are done and accomplished in the congregation of God's people, and it is not possible to exclude any of the faithful who are in good standing from any divine service of the Church. They have all been witness to the crowning, and in a manner, all promise to support that marriage through their prayers. 1. Man was not perfect in paradise. He was in a state of spiritual infancy and was supposed to grow and develop spiritually. In the fulness of time, he would have been given all things of the garden. By the "blessed condition of humanity in paradise," we mean his state of innocence and of ongoing spiritual growth and development. 2. Presumably, one could have a marriage crowned on any non-fast day, provided the "Wedding Liturgy" was served and Holy Communion sealed the marriage. Even with a Saturday Liturgy (which is offered in behalf of all departed souls and is not appropriate for a wedding) it is difficult to see how one can justify spending the first night together on the eve of the Lord's Day. This does not mean that there is anything wrong or even slightly "off" about the sexual relations of the married couple, but Saturday is the day of preparation for the Eucharist of the Lord's Day. |